I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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