who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
