I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
