I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
