Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
