im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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