ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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