i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
