do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
