Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
