Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
