Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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