The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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