Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
