There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
