Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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