A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
