i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
