I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
