Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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