his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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