oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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