My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
