Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
