I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
