my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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