That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
