I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
