drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
