If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
