people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
