So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They took my balls.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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