i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
