i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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