She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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