just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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