"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
