Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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