He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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