wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
