turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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