Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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