Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
don't judge my taste in strippers
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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