I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
PANTIES FOUND
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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