The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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