who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
