Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
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