cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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