His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
