I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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