he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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