I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
