I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
