Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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