Someone shit on the floor
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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