Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
