Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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