somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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