I didn't shave. On purpose
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
