4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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