I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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