Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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