Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
