I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
