Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
