new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize