Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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