How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
