Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I AM VODKA MAN
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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