and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
